What's up wit me? Well, after a long dreaded week of reviewing 'til morning, reading super thick books [10 chapters plus so many handouts in Pharma, 5 looooong chapters in MS plus so many handouts, powerpoint presentations with almost 200 plus slides in Sociology], memorizing 10 poems in Lit [Oh yes, fill in the blanks kasi eh], cramming, sleeping for only two to three hours, eating as fast as I could so that I could have ample time to review, going to the library, missing my favorite tv shows, forcing myself to really study instead of sleeping, going online, texting 'til I drop, and thinking about him, what we are now, and what we may be tomorrow, and so on. Finally, it's over! But then again, is it really over? I don't think so. Haha. We still have to go to school tomorrow [12 noon to 5 pm] for CPR posttest and return demonstration. Gosh. I am so not happy about that since I missed the CPR lecture two weeks ago, and I am not that confident enough to take the written exam plus the return demonstration. Why did I miss it? Because we were still in Cavite when it started, and when we got back to school, the speaker presented his last slide. Oh yes, last slide! Tsk. Sayang talaga yung P200 fee for that, and of course sayang din yung experience and all that. Hay. What else? I'm so disappointed wit all the tests that I took. I'm so disappointed wit my performance. I'm just so disappointed! Sigh. Every exam was difficult. I still used my old stratgey -- HULA! It kind of worked for me last grading period, and I am really keeping my fingers crossed that this time, it would still work. :-/ Crucial. Third year is just so hard. Not only do we have to read and understand a lot of things, but we also have to be so diligent in doing projects, assignments, presentations, etc. Plus the fact that we have a three-day-duty, 5 hours/day! Intense. What could be more dreadful?

Enough about academics. My rle mates and I watched "You are the One" awhile ago. It was more than what I've expected. It was very kilig, funny and heartbreaking. Toni Gonzaga's so pretty, adorable, funny and transparent, which made me like her more. ;-) Sam Milby's a hunk. He's gorgeous. He's yummy [hahaha! ;-)]. He's every woman would ask for. ;-) Eugene Domingo's really really funny too!! Laughtrip talaga, especially in the latter part of the movie, the part where Douglas came to their house and asked her to marry him [haha! I'm such a spoiler! I'm sorry! ;-)] Gio Alvarez was also very effective in portraying a gay character. It seemed so natural. ;-) The movie did really make me cry. Not just a simple cry, but a very intense one! Hagulgol, pare! Haha! ;-) Buti nalang I wasn't wit my someone special, otherwise I'd be so humiliated! Haha! ;-) Thumbs up to the actors and actresses and to the rest of the crew! Overall, I'm giving 4 STARS to that movie! You should watch it too, it's worth your P100 plus bucks. ;-)

Hmm. What else? I did mention "special someone" right? Well, the big question is: MERON NGA BA? I know I have been very open to my friends when it comes to my love life. I've been so open na every detail na ata eh nasasabi ko na sa mga friends ko. I just want to air out everything I've been feeling, yearning to happen, and so on. Kasi diba, why hide my feelings? Why make myself suffer by keeping all of my feelings inside? Why let people know I'm okay even if I'm not? Why pretend that I could forget about every moment my boy and I had? Why keep it all to myself, right? Eh that's why we have friends diba? To lessen the burden that we have. To be just there for us to ease all the pain away. To wipe those tears that fall down from your face. To give you a warm hug for hugs are always therapeutic. To listen to whatever we have to say. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of my friends, especially to those who have been really there for me to give me support, to keep me company, to listen to whatever I have to say, and to do things for me to make me become happy once again [Loudette, ikaw to! Haha! ;-) I am so thankful that I have you as one of my super close friends in college. Without you, I don't know what will happen na to me. I'm such a weak person kasi when it comes to situations like these, you know that, and you have been that only person who did everything you could to make my smile appear to my face again and to make me regain my hope and confidence that I'd still see my sunshine once again. Thanks for doing that thing, you know what I'm talking about. ;-) SUPER THANKS TO YOU! I love you! ;-)]

Moving on, dapat manunuod ako ng basketball game ng 6pm, since maglalaro mga kaibigan ko. I asked him if I could watch. He said bahala daw ako. What a reply. Asar. I asked him because I don't want to have another fight with him. Kasi iisipin nanaman niya na may hidden agenda ako. Pagod nako makipag-away. Pagod nakong i-defend sarili ko. Pagod nako sa pagharap ng sad moments. Pagod nako maghintay. Pagod nako mag-expect. Pagod nako. :-( That's why I decided not to watch the game nalang. Tapos my friends texted me bigla, kasama na pala siya sa basketball team. I don't really know why he didn't even say that to me. Para bang tinago sakin. Pero bakit naman? Ayaw ba niyang malaman ko? Ayaw ba niyang manuod ako sa mga games niya? Ayaw ba niyang maging masaya ako para saknaya? Or wala lang, ayaw lang niya, eh kasi paki ko ba? Hay. Sobrang daming questions sa mind ko ngayon. Naguguluhan ako. I need to know the answers. I need to hear it from him. He's being inconsistent once again. Now I see him, later I don't. Now I hear from him, later I don't. Now he's sweet, later he's not. Tsk. Hindi na talaga natuto. Talaga naman. I so hate it! This is too much. I'm so sick of him and love.

+ karen +