WHERE IS THE MOMENT WHEN WE NEED IT THE MOST? YOU KICK UP THE LEAVES AND THE MAGIC IS LOST.

Hi.. Hope you're reading this. This one's for you..

The Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you i set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ohhhhhh ouuuuu
Ahhhhhh ouuuuu
Ohhhhhh ouuuuu
Ohhhhhh ouuuuu

Here's one more. Ria handed me a copy of Libre [yes, that free newspaper in LRT stations.] last Wednesday, 21st of June 2006, and asked me to read the Romance section. Surprisingly, I never felt so alone. Di lang pala ako yung may sitwasyong ganon.. Title pa lang.. patama na! So I copied some parts [well, most parts. :-)] which definitely mirror what I'm going through at present. This is a letter sent by a girl named Crisitine to Joe D' Mango. So here it goes..

" Ex Boyfriend Confuses Girl "

[Crisitne's message to Joe D' Mango]

- It could have been a great relationship, but i knew i could never go on competing with his pride.

- At that time, I thought breaking up with him was the best way for him to realize that I can also get tired.

- Plus the fact that he was already fallen out of love for me was more than I could take.

- I thought about teaching him a lesson about lessening his pride. I broke up with him. But I never thought it was going to be hard and so painful.

- I tried hard to get over him. I thought I could, but truth is, I cry almost every night because I couldn't believe it myself that I was pretending to be strong about our breakup, when in fact, I was dying inside.

- I kept thinking about how his love for me could completely disappear.

- I thought it was because of the length of time we were apart, making him forget about what we had. All this time, I just wanted him to learn his lesson, but it all ended up with me learning a lesson I didn't ask for.

- I couldn't deny the fact that my heart was shattered into pieces.

- Everyday was just really hard to bear. I realized too that I had to accept him as a friend again and just try to be with him normally, as if nothing happened. But he kept on doing sweet little things that kept me from moving on and stop hoping.

- Finally, I realized that I would go nowhere if I continued being with him and getting hurt. But I really felt that he still had feelings for me, I guess he was just too afraid to be rejected for he is a man of pride.

- I really don't understand him at all.

- All i know is that, I still love him and I am willing to give him a second chance.

- I really have no idea what to think about the two of us.

- Please help my confused heart.

[Joe D' Mangos' reply to Crisitne]

- What I see is a picture of a girl who knows what she wants and a man who can't make up his mind on what he really wants.

- What is the use of another chance to a man who doesn't really ask for it?

- If he doesn't make any conscious effort to fight for what he feels for you then you should think twice about spending the rest of your life wanting him.

- He probably remembers you only when he is lonely and alone. He enjoys being sweet to you when you're together without the benefit of any commitment.

- The pride issue will get him nowhere. You have to make him realize that if he truly wants to be with you then he should be willing to accept the consequence loving someone brings. He has to make you feel it in a manner consistent to his words and promises.

- Sometimes it is hard to understand men and how they take leaps and bounds to protect their self esteem even at the expense of people they love.

- If he cannot prove that he can commit to you then you just have to move on because he would be better off keeping his own interests than keeping his heart in a relationship that he cannot live up to.

OMG. Sounds like my story. :-( I thank Crisitne for sending her letter to Joe D' Mango. [haha!] And I would also like to thank Joe D' Mango [another haha!] for his wonderful reaction and pieces of advice to that poor girl. It served as an eye-opener on my part. I've done my part, I'll let him do his. I just hope he'll do something pleasant about it, otherwise, I'll end up wounded.. again. At night, whenever I'm about to go to sleep, I always think that what happened to us was just a nightmare, and that tomorrow, this would all return to what we used to be, but when I wake up the following morning, I end up teary-eyed and helpless, because it's reality that I've been facing, not just a nightmare nor a silly imagination, and there's nothing I could do about it anymore. Things have been said and done. Yet I'm [still] hoping that it's not yet late for remedies. [Oh well, I'm still in denial :-(]

Oh God, please heal my wounded heart. :-(

+ karen +

P.S.

I'd like to thank my friends [Mega and Lari: my love doctors; Raze-my bez; Iris-ever close friend; Ria-my bestfriend and support person in school; Cla-my favgf who would very much willing to console me whenever I cry at school; and everyone else.. you know who you are. :-)]who pretty much know the whole story, for being there for me at my lowest, for consoling my wounded heart, for really exerting an effort to make me forget what had happened, and for continuing to support me even if I'm so stubborn [you guys would constantly say that I should quit hoping, and yet I say I will but my actions speak otherwise :-)]. Thanks to all of you. In times like this, I really need you guys.. I love you all. MWAH!