Bitterness.

I have finally known the meaning of bitterness when I have discovered the worth of an old doll. I've owned that doll for two years and a couple of months. When it was still new, I would usually cuddle it, would usually give my utmost love and care, and would usually give my 100% attention. I was excited of owning such doll. Most girls, as they say, envied me for having that doll. When I grew tired of doing the same things to the doll, I've become hungry to own new dolls. Not just one, but a couple of them. I was seeking more happiness at that time. I never really thought about what I could lose, knowing that my old doll will just be by my side, or will constantly be around. So when I finally saw this amazing doll, not so physically attractive unlike my old doll, but new and interesting. My attention has been focused to the new one. Yes, I was happy, but only for a short period of time. When I've realized that my new doll can't give me the same happiness that my old doll can give, I've decided to switch again my attention to my old doll. But unfortunately, it was already taken away from me by someone who noticed my old doll's beauty and perfection when my glance was somewhere else. Now, I can see that my old doll is certainly happy with its new owner. Even if I still want that doll, all I could do for now is to stare at it, and wish that things between us will go back to the way it used to be. I just want to say sorry for taking that doll for granted and for not loving that doll as much as it loved me. Hopefully, my old doll will understand me and would still love me despite and inspite of everything. (Oh, I just miss the old times..) And if that time comes, I wouldn't wish or even look at other dolls around me again. But then, making that wish come true is really close to impossible. =( But then again, if we are really meant to be, we will be together again.. in time. I could only hope for the best.

That event surely made me realize a lot of things. It made me realize that I should always be contented on what I have and be thankful for everything God has given me. Losing that doll and realizing my loss could only prove how stupid I was to look some place else when in reality, the only thing that can make me truly happy was just right there beside me. At that time, I was seeking for better dolls, without even noticing that the doll that used to me mine, is and will always be the best I could possibly have.. & I was really stupid to haven't noticed that.

Too late for regrets. Until then.

+ karen +