I'm back to blogging. ;-)

I've been sick since Sunday night. I had fever accompanied by cough and colds. My temperature reached 39.5 degrees Celsius, and my cough was non-productive. Last Monday, I didn't finish Skills Lab since I wasn't really feeling well. I just took the quiz and stayed for a couple of minutes for the lecture [since there was a new topic: bowel treatment] and then I went to the Health Service for check-up, then went home to get some rest, so that I'd have enough energy for the duty later that afternoon. I was not satisfied.. AT ALL.. with the check-up. I mean, anong klaseng check-up ba ang hindi pag aauscultate? Thinking I had a cough. Hello?! The doctor should check diba the lung sounds and everything. But no, she just asked me a few questions and advised me to continue taking Paracetamol for fever and advised me to take Sinecod forte, which is an antitussive by the way, for cough. Thinking that she's a doctor, I followed her. I continued Paracetamol every four hours and I bought Sinecod forte. Later that evening, my mum and I rushed to the UST-H Laboratory to have a CBC done. The following day, my temperature went up, so I wasn't able to attend my duty, it was 5 hours by the way, so I have to schedule for a make up class for 5 hours. Tsk. Hassle. I again went to the Health Service for check-up and to ask for a medical certificate to excuse me for being absent on that same day. I was so pissed off with the attending nurse and the physician! The nurse was so impolite and the physician was so impolite too, and not to mention, he was too awful! His personality doesn't really match in being a physician. He wasn't a people person. I just don't like him! And again, he didn't auscultate my lungs! Hello?! Not again! Strike two na ang Health Service. Tsk. Tapos hindi pa niya alam yung tinake kong gamot ah. Wtf* Wala ba siyang MIMS? Grr. Again, I went to the Lab, to have another CBC done, just to check if my platelet count was going down or what. Then last Wednesday, I've decided to go to school, since I don't want to have a total of 10 hours for duty make-up. But before going to the ward, a 3rd CBC was done. Sad to say, my platelet count was going done and my WBCs were going down too. So I became terrified, and yet I still forced myself to go to the ward, and really practiced to look and act as naturally as possible. However, my clinical instructor advised me to go home because I looked pale. :-( Honestly speaking, I couldn't control my tears from flowing down my face after she said that. I thought about the 10-hour-make-up and my total health condition too. I pity myself from having been sick. Really. Nakakaawa talaga sarili ko. Was very weak, febrile, and pale. As in namumutla talaga lips ko. Oh, before I forget, before going to the ward nga pala that day, I vomited. Tsk. That made me even more paranoid. I've asked myself, "Nako, ano ba talaga 'tong sakit ko? May suka effect pako." :-( Haay. Good thing my mum's always there for me to take care of me and give everything I want and need while I was sick. She pampered me with a lot of Gatorade [thanks mum! I love Gatorade! ;-)] and with a lot of fruits! ;-) I must say that in those times that I've been sick, I missed Chris. I don't know why. But thoughts of him would pop in my head and haunt me in every waking day, and it just made me so sad and diasppointed. Sad because he's not around and disppointed because he didn't even notice last Monday, when we almost bumped into each other, that I was sick. I mean, wasn't it obvious? Or was it just because he just didn't care? Tsk. Here I am again, formulating a lot of theories. Haay. There are just so many questions on my head, searching for answers. Tsk. Anyway, what else happened? So last Thursday, I really couldn't afford missing the quiz in Pedia, so eventhough I haven't studied enough for the quiz, I still went to school to take the quiz. It was hard, ofcourse, especially to someone who hasn't studied enough, and I really mean enough, and it was so long. Or did it just appear long because I just couldn't guess for the right answers that fast? Haha. Haay. So disappointing. Tsk. I attended the class of Sr. too since my classmates said that we were going to watch a film. Eh knowing Sister, magbibigay talaga yun ng essay assignment, so hindi talaga ako pwedeng mag cut ng class. [Thanks to Jason, by the way, for lending me his I.D. ;-) Bawal kasi sa class ni Sr. na walang I.D. eh.] So sa Lit and afternoon classess nalang ako nag cut.. Although it was really against my will, I really had to, because I was chilling in our room and I was coughing and coughing. :-( After lunch, I slept and when I woke up at around 4pm, I received a text message form Nicole saying that Chris had his hair cut. OMG. Semi-kal nanaman daw. I was like, "Oh no. I can't see him like that. Tempting." Haha. I really really like Chris when he's kalbo. He looks good when he's kalbo. Grr. Haha. ;-) So the next day, we had a quiz in Pharma, but before that, Janelle, Guia, Nicole, Cza and I were outside the classroom, and we saw Chris and Nicole's boyfriend. We were laughing and laughing because I was really PATHETIC!! Haha! If you only guys know what I did. Haha! I bet, you'll laugh too! ;-) Thanks to Janelle, by the way, for asking her friends to go to the IPEA office to buy UAAP tickets for Nicole and I. Buti pa si Nicole, kasama si Chris. Haha! Tsk. Anyway, it's almost 4am na. Gosh. I still don't feel sleepy, but I really have to sleep na because I have to wake up early tomorrow, I mean later, to hear mass, since the basketball game [UST vs. ADMU] would start at 4pm. OMG. I am so thrilled! I hope UST wins. Go TIGERS!! ;-)

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank my bestfriend #1, Kamille and her friend, Kim, for getting extra tickets for me, Ria and Guia awhile ago. Super thanks! ;-) CONGRATULATIONS to my very dear friend, Topher, for making it in the prepageant. I am so happy for you!! I am a proud manager!! Haha! ;-) And thanks to all the people who asked how I was doing, what my conditon was, and to all those who basically remembered me while I was sick. I really appreciate every concern you guys showed me -- verbally and non-verbally. THANK YOU! ;-)

That would be all for now! Tata! ;-)

+ karen +

mi amor: si te tuviera mi vida seria perfecta.

C.E.G.M: THIS ONE'S FOR YOU. HOPE YOU'LL READ THIS.

I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! :-( How could you? I've trust you long enough. You don't have my effing TRUST anymore. You've been successful, once again, you've made me cry. You're making this "moving on" of mine really easy. Thanks a lot!

Redeem yourself while you still can.

+ karen +

100 plus snaps to the Salinggawi Dance Troupe for winning [again!] the cheerdance competition last Sunday, 10th of September 2006! 5 times in a row.. WOW! ;-)

My groupmates and I were working on our sh*tty CHN project while watching TV. We were all eyes when it was UST's turn. I was really concentrating and really praying hard at the same time that our school will once again win. Thank God, we did! ;-) And that made me even more proud to be a Thomasian! For a moment, we were in a state of bliss, until everything ended, and went back to reality -- we weren't finished yet with our CHN project. Crap. Too much stress, pare. Since the prelims ended, I haven't had enough rest, partly because of our unfinished CHN project, Lit presentation, and of course, this late-nite internet addiciton of mine. Sh*t. Good thing I can see progress recently. We're almost done in CHN. Yey! By Friday, I hope we'll be able to submit the entire thing to Ma'am Severo. Please lang talaga. Nakakastress na talaga to. Anyway, after long hours of practice in Lit and having just two hours of sleep just before our Lit presentation, we finally made it! We got a perfect score! Applause*Applause! ;-) Not only that, the remaining groups got a perfect score too! Our prof said that our section was the section to beat. But fortunately, we remained undeafeated. Haha! ;-) I totally had fun! Much to my surprise, it was only our group which was super laugh trip! From the names of the characters, down to the choreography.. Wala akong masabi. Haha! ;-) Great job, rle two! ;-) By the way, I just wanna share this with you guys, after our Lit presentation, I've slept for 17 hours straight! Haha! Intense. Super bumawi lang sa tulog. You can't blame me, sleep deprived eh. ;-)

Anyway, for three meetings, Ma'am Chua was not able to supervise us in our duty. Last Tuesday, it was Sir Valdez who became our CI, yesterday it was Ma'am Manio and awhile ago, it was Sir Cantos. Yes, it's him again. Haha! ;-) Major laughtrip nanaman. Seryoso. Haven't noticed the time nga kanina, 5pm na pala, parang nag eejnoy pako. Haha! Time flies when you're having fun nga naman talaga o. But oo nga naman, dapat 6pm pa dismissal namin, but then again, he didn't know because we didn't tell. Haha! So mean. ;-) I'm the team leader for this week, and thank God hindi terror! We don't have a duty pa tomorrow, since Ma'am Chua told me na she has an important stuff to attend to. Yey!! Haha! I can totally get some Zzzz's. But then again, torture na next week, since we'll be having an 8-hour duty straight! Got lotsa papers to submit, plus we have to prepare for our case presentation asap for time is running out for we only have a month to go before the finals. Have to get ready for that. Todo sleep this weekend and inom vitamins! ;-) Guess I should start doing that now. Gotta get some sleep na. 'Til then!

UPDATE:

Hayaan nalang ang taong "namomoblema." Gusto niyang solohin ang problema niya? Fine. Yun naman gusto niya diba. Wag pilitin kung ayaw magpatulong. Kung away niya, wag niya. Simple.

I just can't believe we're back to being strangers again. Wtf*

Goodbye tears, hello happiness! ;-)

Don't fret, Karen. Everything will fall into place. Trust in God, for He won't let you down. Smile. Be happy. ;-)

+ karen +

" I've learned to love somene with all my life, but there came a point when I got tired. Not of loving but of sacrificing all that I have. Then a thought came to my mind. I have given everything but have received nothing but pain and tears in return. Is this enough to prove that I really love that person? Or is it a sign telling me to stop sacrificing and learn to love myself a little more. " :-(

My friends are right. I think I should love myself a little more talaga. Enough about him. Enough about "us." Enough about love. It just won't do me any good. I would usually say to them that in the end, I know it will all be worth it, but now I'm beginning to realize that I may be so wrong to instill in me that kind of thinking. I'm so tired of all these. Yes, I must say that we were happy, we were so in love, we were complete.. but just for a short period of time. It was almost perfect, until everything turned 180 degrees. I'm broken.. broken.. broken.

Just like Brooke Davis, " I need him to need me back. " I so hate the fact that things between us are just so fucked up. Is this damage irreversible? I hope not. I wish not. I pray not.

I've done my part, and even did more than what's expected from me, but what did he do? He kept on pushing me away. It's as if I'm reaching out to nothing. Reaching out to someone who is just so blind to see my sincerity. Argh. I hate the fact that I can neither see nor feel that he's affected. :-( It's just so unfair. He is so unfair. Love is so unfair.

He better do something before everything else crumbles.

+ karen +

What's up wit me? Well, after a long dreaded week of reviewing 'til morning, reading super thick books [10 chapters plus so many handouts in Pharma, 5 looooong chapters in MS plus so many handouts, powerpoint presentations with almost 200 plus slides in Sociology], memorizing 10 poems in Lit [Oh yes, fill in the blanks kasi eh], cramming, sleeping for only two to three hours, eating as fast as I could so that I could have ample time to review, going to the library, missing my favorite tv shows, forcing myself to really study instead of sleeping, going online, texting 'til I drop, and thinking about him, what we are now, and what we may be tomorrow, and so on. Finally, it's over! But then again, is it really over? I don't think so. Haha. We still have to go to school tomorrow [12 noon to 5 pm] for CPR posttest and return demonstration. Gosh. I am so not happy about that since I missed the CPR lecture two weeks ago, and I am not that confident enough to take the written exam plus the return demonstration. Why did I miss it? Because we were still in Cavite when it started, and when we got back to school, the speaker presented his last slide. Oh yes, last slide! Tsk. Sayang talaga yung P200 fee for that, and of course sayang din yung experience and all that. Hay. What else? I'm so disappointed wit all the tests that I took. I'm so disappointed wit my performance. I'm just so disappointed! Sigh. Every exam was difficult. I still used my old stratgey -- HULA! It kind of worked for me last grading period, and I am really keeping my fingers crossed that this time, it would still work. :-/ Crucial. Third year is just so hard. Not only do we have to read and understand a lot of things, but we also have to be so diligent in doing projects, assignments, presentations, etc. Plus the fact that we have a three-day-duty, 5 hours/day! Intense. What could be more dreadful?

Enough about academics. My rle mates and I watched "You are the One" awhile ago. It was more than what I've expected. It was very kilig, funny and heartbreaking. Toni Gonzaga's so pretty, adorable, funny and transparent, which made me like her more. ;-) Sam Milby's a hunk. He's gorgeous. He's yummy [hahaha! ;-)]. He's every woman would ask for. ;-) Eugene Domingo's really really funny too!! Laughtrip talaga, especially in the latter part of the movie, the part where Douglas came to their house and asked her to marry him [haha! I'm such a spoiler! I'm sorry! ;-)] Gio Alvarez was also very effective in portraying a gay character. It seemed so natural. ;-) The movie did really make me cry. Not just a simple cry, but a very intense one! Hagulgol, pare! Haha! ;-) Buti nalang I wasn't wit my someone special, otherwise I'd be so humiliated! Haha! ;-) Thumbs up to the actors and actresses and to the rest of the crew! Overall, I'm giving 4 STARS to that movie! You should watch it too, it's worth your P100 plus bucks. ;-)

Hmm. What else? I did mention "special someone" right? Well, the big question is: MERON NGA BA? I know I have been very open to my friends when it comes to my love life. I've been so open na every detail na ata eh nasasabi ko na sa mga friends ko. I just want to air out everything I've been feeling, yearning to happen, and so on. Kasi diba, why hide my feelings? Why make myself suffer by keeping all of my feelings inside? Why let people know I'm okay even if I'm not? Why pretend that I could forget about every moment my boy and I had? Why keep it all to myself, right? Eh that's why we have friends diba? To lessen the burden that we have. To be just there for us to ease all the pain away. To wipe those tears that fall down from your face. To give you a warm hug for hugs are always therapeutic. To listen to whatever we have to say. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of my friends, especially to those who have been really there for me to give me support, to keep me company, to listen to whatever I have to say, and to do things for me to make me become happy once again [Loudette, ikaw to! Haha! ;-) I am so thankful that I have you as one of my super close friends in college. Without you, I don't know what will happen na to me. I'm such a weak person kasi when it comes to situations like these, you know that, and you have been that only person who did everything you could to make my smile appear to my face again and to make me regain my hope and confidence that I'd still see my sunshine once again. Thanks for doing that thing, you know what I'm talking about. ;-) SUPER THANKS TO YOU! I love you! ;-)]

Moving on, dapat manunuod ako ng basketball game ng 6pm, since maglalaro mga kaibigan ko. I asked him if I could watch. He said bahala daw ako. What a reply. Asar. I asked him because I don't want to have another fight with him. Kasi iisipin nanaman niya na may hidden agenda ako. Pagod nako makipag-away. Pagod nakong i-defend sarili ko. Pagod nako sa pagharap ng sad moments. Pagod nako maghintay. Pagod nako mag-expect. Pagod nako. :-( That's why I decided not to watch the game nalang. Tapos my friends texted me bigla, kasama na pala siya sa basketball team. I don't really know why he didn't even say that to me. Para bang tinago sakin. Pero bakit naman? Ayaw ba niyang malaman ko? Ayaw ba niyang manuod ako sa mga games niya? Ayaw ba niyang maging masaya ako para saknaya? Or wala lang, ayaw lang niya, eh kasi paki ko ba? Hay. Sobrang daming questions sa mind ko ngayon. Naguguluhan ako. I need to know the answers. I need to hear it from him. He's being inconsistent once again. Now I see him, later I don't. Now I hear from him, later I don't. Now he's sweet, later he's not. Tsk. Hindi na talaga natuto. Talaga naman. I so hate it! This is too much. I'm so sick of him and love.

+ karen +