Before anything else, I'd like to great my cousin, Ikoy, [Hi Parts!!] a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! ;-)

MEN ARE LIKE.. blah blah blah.

1. Men are like.......Laxatives.......They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.......Bananas.......The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like.......Weather.......Nothing can be done to change them. [Haha! This is so TRUE!!]

4. Men are like.......Blenders.......You need one, but you're not quite sure why. [Haha! Mega and I can relate to this one.]

5. Men are like.......Chocolate Bars.......Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like.......Commercials........You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like.......Department Stores.......Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like.......Government Bonds.......They take soooooooo long to mature. [Haha! True enough!]

9. Men are like.......Mascara.......They usually run at the first sign of emotion. [Aww. Can't deny the fact that they really do.]
10. Men are like.......Popcorn.......They satisfy you, but only for a little while. [Haha! True.. again.]

11. Men are like.......Snowstorms.......You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. [Gawd, Mega, where did you get this ba? Haha! True ulit!!]

12. Men are like.......Lava Lamps.......Fun to look at, but not very bright. [Haha! No comment.]

13. Men are like.......Parking Spots.......All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. [Whahahahaha! Yun lang. Hahaha!]

No offense, guys, just got this from Mega. ;-) Gawd, I miss Mega BIGTIME. I love you, jerk! ;-)

Anyway, I was with my first year college classmates in Baguio for three days two nights. Gawd. It was a blast! I had sooo much fun! For once, I wasn't really able to think about him that much. Sure, I thought about him once in awhile, but not too much naman, like what I'd usually do here in Manila. We stayed at Camp John Hay Manor. [I missed the place. Really. When I was still a kid, my family would usually go there every break.] The place was just so relaxing. Nakakatanggal talaga ng stress. I felt like I was far from all the troubles and heartaches. Hah. Drama. Since it was so cold in Baguio, my friends and I decided to drink for two nights. Haha. Grabe. It was the first time talaga na tinamaan talaga ako. Super. We drank too much ata the first night. Haha! We all turned red and we were all bangag. After the drinking session, bagsak lahat kami sa bed. Haha. Super memorable. I'm missing it already. [Next time ulit, guys!] On the second night, I didn't drink much na, because we had to wake up early the following day. Si Jof lang yung super lakas uminom nung last night namin. He must've remembered someone. Haay. Comfort. Pero I think he's better when he's drunk, kasi he doesn't tease me eh. Haha! Silang dalawa ni Cid, grabe kung mang-asar eh. Super olats ako. Hah. It was also on our second night when I've asked so many questions to Aya and Cid. Haha. Hotseat talaga. [Chismosa talaga ako. Haha. Thanks to Kesh and Kams sa paghelp sakin mag extract ng infos. Haha! I'm missing the two of you na..] And tama bang pati ako tanungin nila ng kung anu-ano? Haha. Unlike Cid, derechong tanong, derechong sagot naman yung sakin. Haha! What else? Hmm. I can't deny the fact that it's great to spend some time with your special someone in Baguio. Apart from the fact that it's so cold there, [Hah. It's a wonderful feeling diba to hug someone when the weather/climate's just so great? ;-) I can smell opportunity. Haha.] there are so many wonderful sights too [Picture galore sana. Argh]. I envied Aya and Cid nga kasi ultimate bonding sila. Super daming mushy moments, and I just couldn't control myself from staring at them and wishing that he's with us. Haha. Pathetic. Yan tuloy, I remembered him ulit. Dammmit. So there, I've uploaded our pictures in Baguio. You guys can check out my multiply. ;-)

I just wanna share with you what Jof sent me about three days ago. Here it goes..

"It's better to have NOBODY than somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there and then suddenly disappears."

Omg. Tinamaan naman ako diba. Haha. Wake up call na ba to? Hah. Haay. I just hate the fact that I loved too much, only to find out that he's not for me talaga. We just can't work things out. There's always something tearing us apart. Although I've been trying to patch things up with him, wala parin talaga. Oh well. Is this the part where I can surely say that enough is really enough? Crap.

Eto pa, from Kat. Hah. Patama ba lahat? Pwe.

"You deserve someone better.."

One of the most bullshit reasons I've ever heard. Why? Because he could have been better if he tried to, and it could have been me, if he wanted to.

Oh well. Walang ka effort effort eh. What can I say? Or kung meron nga, hindi ko makita.. hindi ko maramdaman. Madrama na kung madrama, pero wala talaga eh. Ain't a manghuhula. I don't know what he wants. Crap talaga. Tapos he'll say na he wants me to still communicate with him? What the? What for?? Haay. Okay lang naman sana eh, kung hindi ako yung always nagpaparamdam ng una. Pansin ko lang noh. Siya naman ulit. I miss the old times. I feel like I don't know him anymore. :-( He's just too hard to understand. Well, for someone who never explains, talagang mahirap maintindihan. Tapos he went pa dun sa trip nila ng HS friends niya. Waa. Great. I told myself that if he goes there, this is the end of it all. Maybe this is really enough. Argh. He didn't listen to me, and I hate him for that. :-(

"Love has no room for selfish people who think only of themselves. If we have been too busy with our work, have been kept by our distorted priorities then it's about time that we stop for a while and think about the people who we might have stepped on and taken for granted, love isn't forever. Let us not wait too long to appreciate those who have unselfishly given it to us for all that may be left tomorrow are just the bitter and cold memories of someone who loved too much but was never loved enough."

I just can't be like this forever. I mean, dwelling on this situation of ours. Crying over him. Wishing for the impossible. And the list goes on. I have to go on with my life. I've done my part, I'll give him the time and space that he needs, and If he really loves me a lot naman diba, he'll take all the risks to have me once again. It's all up to him.

So Sick by Ne Yo.. Just loving it. Dammmit.

'Til then.

+ karen +

Okay, so it's currently 12:40am on my watch. Everybody's sleeping. Well, what I meant was, everybody related to this entry are currently in the state of REM I suppose.

For the past few days, there are certain things that really bother me a lot, and I really mean a lot. There's this friend of mine, who apparently knows a little something about me and my ex-boyfriend, who asked me one question: "Well.. given the chance to do it all again, would you have chosen not to have him in your life? Para wala nalang pain." Without any hesitations, I said no. It was supposed to end there. One question, one answer, done. Yet, after answering his question, I've asked myself, "Why?" I've done some thinking/reflecting/whatever you call it for a moment, and I've realized that perhaps I just loved him that much. The love I've had and I have for him is just so hard to define. It's too deep, too crazy. That even after all the hurt he's brought into my life and after all his broken promises of forever and more, I'd fall in love with him all over again. I still want that special chapter, where we were both happy and inlove, written in my life, although I know the way the story ends. Because even if our story has not been a fairytale-ish one, my love for him is a lot greater than the pain I'm feeling now. I'd risk everything for that moment of bliss to happen once more. But then again, knock-knock to reality, what I'm feeling is nothing if he's not doing his part. I can't do this alone. I mean, fixing this whole mess up. I need him to do his part. Please baby, do your part naman. :( He's got so many reasons, which, if you would guys know, are just so lame. And I just can't figure out why two people who are still inlove with each other can't be together anymore. I don't know what's on his mind, what his plans are, and what's his real say to this set-up of ours. I think we're close to the point of breaking apart, and I so hate to admit it. I can't believe this is happening. It's all just so fast, and I could barely breathe and catch up. Though he tells me that he loves me still, I'd just probably stick to what people say, "Kung gusto, maraming paraan. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan." Get what I mean? Crap. It's as if it's only me who wants to have "us" again. It's only me who has so many ways of fixing this mess, who exerts so much effort just for us to be back in each other's arms again, and the list goes on. Bottom line is, it's only me who obviously has so many ways to solve this problem, and him, who has these so many LAME reasons.

A friend once told me that if I really want our relationship to work, one has to sacrifice, and so I followed him. My ex-boyfriend told me that he doesn't want me to go to our Beach Trip, and of course, as a sacrifice, though I really love the beach and everything related to it, I'll not go, and that I'd rather go to Baguio with our friends and hopefully be with him too so that we could get sometime to talk things over and get this over with. So I told him about it, and what my plans are, and I was really hoping to get a positive feedback from him, like appreciation perhaps, but no, he said things which really did hurt, and a lot more. He also said that he can't go to Baguio for some reasons, only to find out that he has plans on having a 3-day-2-night-beach trip with his HS friends, which apparently includes this girl, who I would usually see with him on various pictures in his friendster, which, thank God, he already deleted. I can't deny the fact that I'm really upset. I don't know why I get so jealous whenever he mentions his HS friends to me. Maybe because I just don't know them personally, and they haven't gained my trust yet. Oh well. I told my ex-boyfriend that I'd be happy if he won't go. Yes, I do sound selfish, but I just can't lie to him by saying that I'm so okay with it. I'd rather appear selfish but honest, than lie and pretend everything's okay with me. I just don't want him to go. That's all. It's not that I'm demanding him to follow me or anything, but I'm just hoping that things will turn out perfectly fine by letting himself analyze the situation more deeply and be able to realize what my point is. I just want to know if I matter to him, if what I say matters to him. Just that. Is it too much to ask? If he's still going, then I guess this is the end of it all. Sad to say, but I really must face reality that he just don't care about my feelings anymore. :(

For the record, I am really thankful for all those who are doing something for me and my ex-boyfriend to get back together, but I better get this one straight, I JUST WISH THAT YOU GUYS ARE REALLY TRYING TO HELP US, AND ARE NOT DOING SOMETHING TO TEAR US APART. In times like these, I really don't know who my real friends and enemies are. Thanks to this young man, which made me realize that everything is a blur. Just when I thought that this young man [my ex-boyfriend's close friend, and my friend as well] was on my side, well, on the side where karen and chris is still possible for that matter, here he comes, doing something which I personally believe made this problem worse. Well, both of them are still denying it. Don't fool me. I can see the obvious. You've done the same thing with me, can't you remember? Hah. Get a life.

Haay. There's still more. There's this person I've known for almost 4 years already, and I can't deny the fact that I was hurt when that person left me without a trace. No explanations, no communication, no.. everything. Who woundn't? To cut the story short, that person showed up to me once again, said sorry, which I honestly wanted to hear from that person for like 3-4 years ago. I know it's been years already, but having heard that that person's sorry for everything that person has done to me was really something I did appreciate a lot. It sounded so sincere. But I have to caution myself from being close to that person again, for I can no longer have my broken heart be broken so much more. Hah. Just by seeing that person holding his cellphone all the time and texting makes me even more cautious, and not to mention, even more paranoid. I can't handle that.. I abhore infidelity. Hah. As if.

Why can't just everyone be happy? There's always something that interferes. Crap. And if people left you once, why is it that when they come back, and when you're already attached to them again, it's almost the same time that they're about to leave you again. It's a cycle I have to deal with. So sad but true. "PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE."

I know my heart will soon get tired of all these drama. I just don't know when. Only God knows.

+ karen +

Okay, I must acknowledge Fonz for having said something which really made me think deeply. He said that people who are malabo exist so that we can appreaciate the not malabo ones. It was something like that. Infainess, he has a point, right? Hehe! I know it was quite simple, but hearing it from Fonz was really something different. Hehe! Nahawa na ata siya sa pagkasenti ko. Haha! Well anyway, since my fave number is 57, I've made a list which my boy, atleast he used to be, ought to know.

57 things he has to know:

1. you're the man i want see the sunrise and sunset with.
2. you're the man i want to be with in the wee hours.
3. you're the man i want to walk down the beach at midnight.
4. you're the man i want to dance and sing along with.
5. you're the man i want to stand cold under the rain with.
6. you're the man i want to hug and kiss as often as possible.
7. you're the man i want to spend every second possible with.
8. you're the man i want to hold hands with.

9. you're the man i want to tickle after a big fight.
10. you're the man i want to whisper "i love you baby" and "i'm sorry baby" softly in the ears.
11. you're the man i want to see asleep on my lap or on my shoulder.
12. you're the man i want to kiss goodnight.
13. you're the man i want to see in dreamland.
14. you're the man i want to share my dreams and sorrows with.
15. you're the man i want to laugh and cry with.
16. you're the man i want to see in school each and everyday.
17. you're the man i want to be with every break.
18. you're the man i love to review my lessons with.
19. you're the man i love to text with.
20. you're the man i love to stare at.
21. you're the man i want the world to see i'm with.
22. you're the man i want to take pictures with.
23. you're the man i want to send notes or letters of mush.
24. you're the man i want to take care of me when i'm sick or atleast when i feel weak.
25. you're the man i want the voice to hear all the time.
26. you're the man i want to wipe away the tears falling down from my face.
27. you're the man i enjoy sharing corny jokes with.
28. you're the man i want to be with in watching concerts and in Paskuhan.
29. you're the man i want to walk along the corridors with.
30. you're the man i want to stroll around the school with.
31. you're the man i want to be with in watching the kids get wet in the fountain.
32. you're the man i want to be with in watching the fireworks display in school every Decemeber.
33. you're the man i want to be with everytime i blow my candles.

34. you're the man i want to be with after a long and tiring day.
35. you're the man i want to hug me after a perspiring activity.
36. you're the man i so love to tease.
37. you're the man i want to see romantic movies with.
38. you're the man i want to eat ice cream with.
39. you're the man i want to runaway from the unfriendly world with.
40. you're the man i want to be with in search for a safer place to be in.
41. you're the man i want to wait for as long as forever.
42. you're the man i love to fight for.
43. you're the man i think about every second of any given day.
44. you're the man i want to see first when i wake up and last one to see before i sleep.
45. you're the man i miss so much even after we've been together.
46. you're the man i enjoy being with even if there are no words to utter.
47. you're the man i love to support and praise.
48. you're the man i never get sick and tired of.
49. you're the man i trust my fragile heart.
50. you're the man i ever want and need.
51. you're the man i want to be thankful for.
52. you're the man i consider as one of the most beautiful blessings i've received.
53. you're the man i consider as one of the most beautiful creatures on earth.
54. you're the man i want to walk down the aisle with.
55. you're the man i want to tell the world, "the only one for me."
56. you're the man i want to spend everyday for the rest of forever with.
57. and most importantly, you're the man i love and will love again and again and again.

Would you lie with me and just forget about the world?

+ karen +

At long last, 1st sem's officially over! Hurrah! ;-) As always, our Lit exam was difficult! As a matter of fact, it was the MOST difficult exam I took. Imagine, Lit was able to beat MS, which is apparently 5 units. OMG. How am i supposed to know the various works of the various authors? When in fact, we didn't even mention those authors and their works in class. It was extremely a guessing-game type of test. Argh. I don't want to fail Lit. God, help me. Pharma was also hard, since there were a lot of drugs which we had to memorize, and not only the name and classification of drugs, but the mode of action, side effects and nursing responsibilities as well. Socio was kind of hard too since it was an essay type of test, wherein we had to put in not more than 50 bullets stating everything we have learned in Laborem. I was like staring at the questionaire for 10-15 minutes, carefully reading the instruction, which was so hard to understand. It was so labo, I'm telling you. Hehe ;-) What else? Hmm. MS was hard too, as always! It was worth 100 points. MS skills lab was kind of hard, since I wasn't able to read the entire chapter on catheterization. Golly. Pedia was also hard. Haha. Lahat na lang hard! Well, the questions in Pedia were kind of tricky. Oh well, enough about the finals, it's just so frustrating to think about. Haay.

Yesterday, as we all know, is Friday the 13th and the last day of the sem. Was it because of the date which made yesterday a terrible one? Or was it because everytime finals will come to an end, Chris and I would always fight? Argh. I so hate it. I've waited for him for like 2 hours, and when he arrived, we just fought. When we were already okay, he said something which made me teary-eyed. I just couldn't afford letting him see me about to cry, so I left him without even saying goodbye. I so hate it that he spoiled my day. Yes, I must admit, I had done something which aggravated the whole thing, but then it's not enough to spoil a girl's day. I've waited for long hours just to see and be with him, and that was all I got? It's just so disappointing. We've wasted so many hours arguing, which could've been spent to heaven-ish moments instead. And now, I'm still waiting for a text from him, saying how he's doing, where he is, what he's doing, and the list goes on. I'm always waiting for him. I don't know how long I'll be able to get through this, but I intend to wait as long as possible. As long as I still find reasons to fight for him and for as long as he tells me that he loves me. Haay. Look what love does.

Anyway, after two long weeks, I've finally celebrated my 20th birthday wit my kada.

It's just so sad because not all of my closest friends made it. Some had to attend their PM duty, while some were in Nueva Ecija for their Community Organizing. Good thing Ria, Ludz and Cla made it. Atleast I was still able to celebrate my special day wit them. ;-)

+ karen +

Thanks to all the people who remembered my birthday! Via text, phone call, along the corridors, at the gym, friendster, multiply, blog, etc. ;-) I'm sorry I can't name you guys one by one since my celphone got stolen at the Araneta last Monday, 02 Oct. 06. Some effing guy/girl opened my bag and stole my phone! Whoever got my phone is a freaking a**hole. Hay nako. He/she spoiled my day! Good thing UST won at game 3. Wee! Cheers to UST! *I heart JAPS CUAN and CHESTER TAYLOR! They are SUPER hunks! Haha! ;-)* And another good thing, I was wit a "friend." He definitely gave me moral support.. All the way! Thanks to you. Thanks to your shoulder and tight hugs. You made my day! ;-) So to all those who sent me text messages on 02 Oct. 06, 3:30 onwards, sorry kung hindi ko kayo nareplyan [you already know my reason]. Just got my number back yesterday, so text me nalang ulit, and please include your name na din. Thanks so much! ;-)

Lesson learned: DON'T EVER BRING YOUR VALUABLES IN CROWDED PLACES OR BE EXTRA CAREFUL WITH YOUR BELONGINGS. Tsk. GOD BLESS HIM/HER. Haay.

I have so many kwentos, yet I still have two quizzes tomorrow [and I just got home from the victory party! haha! talk about having priorities! ;-)] and I still don't have a decent biblio which is due tomorrow. Tsk. I am so SLEEPY already. Haay. So next time nalang! Maybe after the finals next week or sa weekened. Let's just see. Hehe! ;-) I miss HIM na! Tsk. Away2x nanaman. If you're reading this, wala lang. Haha! Thanks for deleting the crappy pics on your friendster.. Just saw your friendster now. ;-)

That would be all for now! Cheerio! ;-)

+ karen +